Life Lessons
As my 35th birthday quickly approaches, I’ve found myself reflecting on all that' I’ve learned in my short, yet wonderful life. Gaining this wisdom hasn’t always been easy, often making the same mistake time and time again before learning my lesson. Life ebbs and flows. It’s full of high points and low points, and my life has been no exception. I’ve enjoyed the ride so far and have definitely learned a lot along the way.
Get to know yourself — you are the person you will spend the most time with throughout your life. Learn what fills you up, what makes you feel alive, determine your values, your morals, how you like spending your time.
Don’t spend time with people who make you feel drained — life is too short to spend time with anyone who doesn’t bring you joy. Stop prioritizing their feelings over your own.
Trust your intuition — learn to tune into what feels right or wrong. This one took me a long time to learn, but thankfully I’ve come to a point where I can trust my gut feeling, which hasn’t let me down yet.
Stop people-pleasing — other people will always have their own opinions, but that’s a reflection of who they are. Don’t let their opinions influence your thoughts and actions.
Find movement you love — there is truth in the old saying of ‘use it or lose it’ and it applies to both mind and body. I’ve had periods of life when I’ve been completely sedentary and periods when I’ve been full speed ahead. Find balance in your movement, but more importantly, find movement you love so it feels enjoyable instead of feeling like another task on your to-do list.
Never stop learning — if you can read, you can learn. Learning is easier than ever thanks to the internet. Watch a youtube video, subscribe to one of the many learning-focused platforms, join a free class. Lean into the random questions that run through your mind and take time to find the answers you’re looking for.
“The world will never starve for want of wonders, but only for want of wonder.” G.K. Chesterton
Make ‘me’ time a priority — learn how to say ‘no’ to others in order to be able to say ‘yes’ to yourself. Figure out just how much alone time you need in order to be able to give fully to others, and stop being so apologetic about taking time to yourself. Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
Take risks… — take that leap of faith, that spontaneous trip, the new job that seems a bit scary. Some of the most rewarding times in my life have come from taking big risks.
… but think them through — don’t take a blind risk. Before you jump, think through the possible best-case and worst-case scenarios and have a plan of action for how you’ll deal with either outcome.
Tell people you love them — you may think they already know, but what’s the harm in telling them just to make sure? Words are free, so take time to spread the love you have and tell people just how much they mean to you.
Explore the world — if it’s within your budget travel far and wide. If it isn’t, don’t let the lack of disposable income stop you; learn about the world through TV programs, books from the library, or podcasts. Try cooking from a book based on a certain part of the world. Learn a new dance, song, or tradition and embrace the way other people live their everyday lives.
Keep a journal — even if your entries are few and far between, when you’re older and may not have the best memory you’ll be happy to look back and reflect on how you spent your life. If traditional writing isn’t your style, I highly recommend starting an email address just to keep as a digital journal. I can type way faster than I can write, so I often email myself when I have a lot to get off of my mind
Share yourself with others — share your joy, your struggles, your gifts, your time. You are the only you in this entire world, don’t keep yourself hidden away. It can be easy to hide your true self due to fear of judgment from others, but life is too damn short to not be exactly who you want to be. Those who matter most will love you for who you are, and if they don’t, then why would you want them in your life?
Don’t wait for the ‘right’ moment — don’t put off your happiness until you have the ‘right’ job/partner/location/income/etc. Find happiness in where you are right now. The future is never guaranteed, so make the most of your present moment.
Be honest — my Grandfather used to say the best way to get a good night of sleep is to go to bed with a clear conscience. Being honest with yourself and with others grants you a kind of freedom and peace of mind that can never be taken away.
Ask for help — I can be a bit stubborn at times and think I can handle everything myself. Thankfully asking for help is like a muscle that gets stronger each time you flex it. Reframing the way you think about things can also make it easier to ask. For example, I love helping my friends and family. It makes me happy knowing I can make their lives a bit easier. Instead of having the mindset that asking for help makes me weak or a bother, I try to think of it as giving someone else a chance for a bit of happiness as well.
Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong — you’re only human, so chances are you’re going to make quite a few mistakes throughout your life. Mistakes are part of the learning process. Recognize what you did wrong, own up to it, learn from it and then move on. Don’t dwell on whatever it is you did wrong, just learn from it and let it go.
Try new things — get out of your comfort zone. Whether it’s learning a new skill, talking to that person at the coffee shop who always catches your eye, or simply trying a new restaurant instead of hitting up the same tried and true favorite each week. The amount of growth that’s happened from pushing myself beyond my comfort zone far outweighs any discomfort I’ve faced when trying new things.
It’s never too late — I was 29 years old when I took my first surfing lesson. Surrounded in the water by children who made it look completely effortless. Was I nervous? Absolutely. Did I feel like I was ‘too old’ to be taking up surfing? You bet. But I didn’t let that stop me, and surfing is now one of my favorite things to do. The children in the water are still way better than I will ever be, but I’m thankful I took that first lesson. I’ve found more peace and happiness falling off my surfboard into the ocean than I’ve ever found on land. It’s never too late to chase your dreams and learn new things.
Slow down — as the great Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Instead of always striving for the next thing/phase of life, take a moment to appreciate exactly where you are. Chances are you’re experiencing what you had once hoped for. Enjoy it!
Spend time in nature — whenever I’m stressed, sad, angry, overwhelmed, etc. I take a walk outside and let nature work her magic. There isn’t much that can’t be solved by some time alone with Mother Nature. Roll around in the grass, build a sandcastle, get lost in the woods (well maybe not like for real lost), jump in giant muddy puddles. Get dirty and have fun.
Love your body — how sad would it be to live to your 90s or even 100s and look back only to realize you were constantly criticizing your body? I remind myself of this whenever I catch a glimpse of my cellulite, dimples, spider veins, or whatever the hangup of the month is. Instead, I focus on what my body can do for me. What a gift it is to have a well and able body.
Run your own race — as a single mid-30s woman with essentially no interest in dating, and still completely undetermined about kids and marriage in general, I’m not exactly ticking off the boxes of the societal ‘norm’ checklist, and that’s completely okay! Don’t measure your ‘success’ by other people’s timelines or standards. Stay in your own lane.
Embrace aging — whenever I gripe about getting older my Aunt reminds me, “you can either get older or be dead. Which do you prefer?” I’ll gladly take another trip around the sun over the alternative. I’ve also learned to embrace the wisdom that comes with getting older. Feeling more comfortable in your own skin. What a privilege that is! Over the years I’ve let go of the pressure to be perfect. The unrealistic standards society sets to never shown any signs of aging. That’s just ridiculous.
Nothing here is new or earthshattering. In fact, you’ve probably heard most of this advice many times before, and this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the lessons I’ve learned thus far in life. Though, if you’re anything like me, you’ll learn more by actually getting out there and living life, rather than reading about it on some random blog. So what are you waiting for?